What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions
ByPublisher Description
What do people want out of life? Aside from love, obviously. And, the respect of their peers. That goes without saying. And, a job that doesn't make them want to claw their eyes out with an eagle's talons. Can't imagine anybody applying for a job that makes them want to claw their eyes out! And, a sexual partner that isn't only thinking of his own needs when we –
Okay, we could go on. But, the answer that we're looking for here is: meaning. Meaning. We want to know why absurd things happen to us in our lives. We want…? Right. Meaning.
Of course, life is a chaotic soup whose recipe is a constantly changing mix of often unsavoury ingredients, and nobody appears to have a copy of the cookbook (although, god knows, many people claim to). Where can you find somebody to help you through the maze of chicken gumbo and cabbage borscht broths? The Alternate Reality News Service, of course! Our advice columnists are happy to help you navigate the incomprehensible menu of bisques, consommes and chowders to find the meaning at the bottom of your personal soup bowl!
In What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions, you will learn:
* what to do if your bosses go into a mystery room and don't come out for three weeks;
* why it may not be a good idea to reveal your online porn viewing preferences to anybody actually online;
* how to act when events you see in your Home Universe GeneratorTM appear to be happening in your own universe;
* what it means when a player in the online girl's game Cotton Candy Mountain starts talking about jihad, and;
* what people are actually doing when they use a miniature rake on their tongues.
You may not find the meaning you need in your own life (that's why readers are encouraged to submit their own questions), but at least you'll be able to laugh at the absurdity of whatever the hell other people were thinking. What the Hell Were You Thinking?: Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions may not be as good as your mom's chicken soup, but at least it won't nag you to tell it when you're going to get married!
Praise for The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots
"This book was so funny that it caused me a couple of sleepless nights, because I couldn't stop reading the questions and answers." (Seregil of Riminee, Rising Shadow)
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About Ira Nayman
Ira Nayman is profilic. Proficlic. Proclif - he writes a lot.
He has self-published eleven collections of articles written by the tireless staff of the Alternate Reality News Service. Five contain news, reviews, interviews, and anything else you might expect to find in your daily newspaper (Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys, Luna for the Lunies!, The Street Finds Its Own Uses for Mutant Technologies and Futures in Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear). The series also contains two collections of humourous science fiction advice columns: The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots and What the Hell Were You Thinking? Good Advice for people who make bad decisions. The series is rounded out by three collections of reports from a universe where Vesampucceri is the world's leading idiotocracy (rule by the stupidest people): ARNS and the Man, E Deplorables Unum and Angels of Our Bitter Nature. The most recent book collects the three Vesampucceri volumes in one; it is called Idiotocracy for Dummies. All but the first and most recent books are available on Smashwords. (They are also available in print, for those of you who have a fetish for paper...)
New Alternate Reality News Service stories appear regularly on Ira's Web site: Les Pages aux Folles. These include two advice columns: Ask Amritsar (about love and romance and technology) and Ask the Tech Answer Guy (about anything to do with technology except love and romance). Readers are encouraged to submit their own questions for the advice columns. Les Pages aux Folles also contains topical political and social satire and surreal cartoons.
The Weight of Information, the pilot for a radio series based on Alternate Reality News Service articles, can be heard on YouTube; listen to Part One or Part Two.
Ira has also written eight Transdimensional Authority novels, six of which have been published by Elsewhen Press: Welcome to the Multiverse (Sorry for the Inconvenience); You Can't Kill the Multiverse (But You Can Mess With its Head); Random Dingoes; It's Just the Chronosphere Unfolding as It Should; The Multiverse is a Nice Place to Visit, But I Wouldn't Want to Live There; and, Good Intentions: The Multiverse Refugees Trilogy: First Pie in the Face. They follow the adventures of Transdimensional Authority Investigators or Time Agency Agents. If you're somewhere (or somewhen) you shouldn't be,...
Other books by Ira Nayman
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