4.0
They Called Us Exceptional
ByPublisher Description
“In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task.”—The Washington Post
“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere
LONGLISTED FOR THE PEN/OPEN BOOK AWARD • A SHE READS BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE SEASON: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, Bustle
How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative?
Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: the idea that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas the world says do not exist.
Gupta addresses her story to her mother, braiding a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling, and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.
“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere
LONGLISTED FOR THE PEN/OPEN BOOK AWARD • A SHE READS BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE SEASON: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, Bustle
How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative?
Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: the idea that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas the world says do not exist.
Gupta addresses her story to her mother, braiding a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling, and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.
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4.0
Camcam
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““In our family, we learned to love one another for how well we were able to conform to the story they wrote for us—not as who we really are.”
Je ne lis quasiment jamais de biographie, peut-être max une dizaine par année, mais ce livre ma fait complètement connecter avec le genre! Mais quel excellent premier roman! Il y avait tellement de douleur, mais ce n’était pas inutilement lourd non plus. On sentait bien la carrière de journaliste de Prachi Gupta dans ce livre où elle ne censurait aucune vérité sur sa propre histoire rendant son récit poignant et dévastateur, sur son enfance dans une famille américano-indienne sous la coupe d’un père violent et sous sa vie d’adulte entouré par la maladie mentale. Ce livre m’a donné envie de me plonger dans l’univers des mémoires et d’en trouver d’autre qui aborde le féministe et la santé mentale!
C’était super bien raconté, on sentait bien l’émotion au travers ses mots. J’ai beaucoup aimé sa manière de questionner les actions de chaque membre de sa famille, y compris les sien et d’apporter un sens critique aux évènements. Elle le faisait de manière à la fois perspicace et compatissante. Plusieurs thèmes marquant nous on suivit durant tout le récit, que ça soit la pression ressentit dans les familles immigrantes à atteindre l’excellence, trouver son équilibre entre l’assimilation blanche américaine afin de faire sa place dans le pays et conservé ses héritages culturels, la maladie mentale de son père et son comportement violent, les doubles standard appliquer aux femmes et la manière différente qu’on les élève… Elle a très bien décortiqué tout ça et mit à nue sa propre famille avec courage et délicatesse.
“It’s a strange thing to miss someone who is right there. When I talk to you is when I miss you the most, because I am confronted by what I cannot have.”
J’ai beaucoup aimé que le livre soit adressé à sa mère, la seule autre femme de la famille, et qu’elle parle au ‘’you’’ tout au long. J’ai trouvé cela à la fois audacieux et artistique. Ça mère jouait un gros rôle dans son récit, immigrante de première génération, séparé de sa famille et marier de force, elle est à la fois la complice et la victime de son mari. Au début j’étais sceptique par cette utilisation de la deuxième personne, mais j’ai rapidement compris et apprécier cette décision. Non seulement c’est une histoire vraie et on comprend que via son livre c’est un peu la seule manière que l’autrice a de s’adresser à sa mère et ça nous rappelle bien que c’est une vraie histoire sur des vrai personne rendant cela encore plus poignant. Je crois aussi qu’ainsi ça supprime tout distance entre le lecteur et la lecture et rend tout cela nettement plus profond. Mais surtout, ça fait ressortir le côté féministe de l’ouvrage. Elle s’adresse à sa mère, lui pardonnant à la fois leur distance et le fait qu’elle ai choisi sa mère sa met ce personnage de l’avant, mettant elle avant son père dans l’histoire et non l’inverse.
Le dénouement du livre est très émotif, un coup de poing émotionnel et j’ai beaucoup aimé ressentir les émotions de Gupta aussi fortement, mais j’ai trouvé que contrairement au reste du livre, il y avait plusieurs moments qui me semblait quelque peu redondant et qu’on perdait le rythme du livre pour se perdre un peu plus en longueur. Je comprends que c’est pour nous faire ressentir sa propre détresse, mais je crois que peut-être la blessure face à cette tragédie est encore trop fraiche pour l’autrice pour qu’elle arrive à prendre du recule et donner une analyse critique de la situation comme elle la fait pour tout le reste du livre. On la sentait vraiment plus émotive et moins rationnel qu’au début ce qui à changer le rythme, nous offrant certes une grande vulnérabilité, mais troublant quelque peu ma lecture.
Malgré cela, j’ai eu un gros coup de cœur pour ce roman et j’ai été époustoufler par la manière dont Prachi Gupta comptait les évènements en tant qu’elle-même participante à l’histoire. Elle a été forcée d’être exceptionnelle durant son enfant, mais dans son honnête et sa clairvoyance elle la réellement été.”Mac
Created 18 days agoShare
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Misha
Created 21 days agoShare
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“if my future husband is not South Asian I will make him read this to get my lore🫶🏽”Nvash
Created 21 days agoShare
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“5⭐️ This had me sobbing on the train to work. I have no words to describe how painfully beautiful the author’s writing is- especially the fact that the memoir is written as a letter to her mother. Not an emotionally
light read but I highly highly recommend. This is my new all time favourite memoir.”
Amy
Created 23 days agoShare
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About Prachi Gupta
Prachi Gupta is an award-winning journalist and former senior reporter at Jezebel. She won a Writers Guild Award for her investigative essay “Stories About My Brother,” and her work was featured in the Best American Magazine Writing of 2021. She has written for The Atlantic, The Washington Post Magazine, Marie Claire, Salon, Elle, and elsewhere. She lives in New York City.
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