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3.0 

At Dark, I Become Loathsome

By Eric LaRocca
At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca digital book - Fable

Publisher Description

From Eric LaRocca—Bram Stoker Award–nominated and Splatterpunk Award–winning author of Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke—comes At Dark, I Become Loathsome, a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love.

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.

Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light.

Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.

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169 Reviews

3.0
Thinking Face“Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. The title is strewn throughout as almost a ritualistic symbol in itself. I'd like to have a physical copy to simply annotate because there's a lot to unpack here. First, there's the ritual of "purification" and how we can release our feelings of grief in living, which I found to be an interesting thought experiment. Could people actually be reinvigorated with life if given a glimpse of death? Or would that feeling be temporary? Second, the self mutilation of both feeling and showcasing pain is interesting. We know Ashley is grieving deeply and the way he goes about showing it through the ritual, but also piercings and the "monstrous" look he goes after is a physical manifestation of that. Again, an interesting point of the book in that grief is also manifested on oneself. Finally, and this is what caused me to only rate 4 instead of 5, the ending felt very symbolic, but I just didn't quite understand it. Does Ashley have something to do (aside from his verbal comment) with his son dying and is that who he's metaphorically holding at the end? Does this symbolize the end of the ritual? Is this his own self purification of the entirety of the novel? I'm not sure and would be interested in rereading it with this perspective or hearing what others think. Overall, it was very macabre, a fast read, and I enjoyed it.”
“i really don’t know how to feel about this book. it made me so uncomfortable but it’s also so raw…. i’m definitely leaning more on the uncomfortable side”

About Eric LaRocca

Eric LaRocca (he/they) is the author of several works of horror and dark fiction including the viral sensation Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke. He is an active member of the Horror Writers Association and currently resides in Boston, Massachusetts with his partner.

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