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4.0
血の轍 17 [Chi no Wadachi 17]
ByPublisher Description
母子の壮絶なる「轍」の物語、完結。
転落事故の影響で生きる気力を失ったママを、自宅に連れ帰った静一。ママはもはや静一が誰かを認識できず、日に日に衰弱していく。そんな”解(ほど)けていく”ママを、静一はじっくり観察する。毎日、毎日。
やがて夢の中で始まったのは、静一とママの「最期の会話」。
今、彼女と僕の世界は消失し、物語は終焉する。
転落事故の影響で生きる気力を失ったママを、自宅に連れ帰った静一。ママはもはや静一が誰かを認識できず、日に日に衰弱していく。そんな”解(ほど)けていく”ママを、静一はじっくり観察する。毎日、毎日。
やがて夢の中で始まったのは、静一とママの「最期の会話」。
今、彼女と僕の世界は消失し、物語は終焉する。
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4.0
“Blood on the Tracks... I don't know how to start this review. It made me so fucking mad. It made me cry. It made me feel afraid. And yet, by the end I found beauty sitting alongside the darkness, the two existing as one.
The terrible thing is that parts of this story are reality for someone out there, and many parts are reality for more people than we'd like to admit. Many may recognize aspects of their own parent in Seiichi's mother. Knowing that elements of her were inspired by Oshimi's own mother breaks my heart, and reading his reflections at the end of the later volumes where he pours his feelings onto the page so poetically, only tears that wound open even further.
The first half of the story is horrifyingly hopeless and deeply disturbing. The second half is still painful, but it's also strangely beautiful. As his mother grows sick, Seiichi finally has the chance to unleash years of trauma onto the person who caused it all while she is weak and helpless. Of course, part of him is relieved to watch her slowly die. We watch him come to terms with his trauma and his pain. He chooses to stay by her side and care for her in the way he always wished she had cared for him. He holds both care and rage. She doesn’t get revenge and she doesn’t get a pretty box of forgiveness either.
She was a terrible mother. She didn't deserve his compassion for even a second. But he wasn't doing it for her. He was doing it for himself.
When he decides to live to not kill himself, to not numb himself with alcohol I felt genuinely happy. Despite spending so much of his life alone, I like to think he eventually found peace in the quiet things the books he read, sitting in nature, grabbing a coffee, allowing himself to simply exist. Sometimes survival isn't loud. Sometimes it's just choosing another day.
I feel horrible for his father as well. He spent so much of his life trapped in the delusion that the woman he loved couldn't possibly be the monster she truly was.
What I ultimately took away from Blood on the Tracks is this, I belong to me.
I am my own person. My story belongs to me.
No matter what harm was thrown at me as a child or as a teenager, I stand here now with new lessons, a new perspective, oppurtunities and proof that I have grown. I can face those shadows with certainty, knowing I will protect myself through any storm. I will love myself. I will not use my pain as a justification to hurt others. Instead, I'll carry it with me while doing everything I can to heal. And when I inevitably fuck up I can look another person in the eye with absolute certainty and say that I am responsible for both the good and the bad. I will hold myself to a standard of love.
We can look at the pain we have lived through and know we don't have to become the product of out circumstances.
That's the beauty of this story. We are all capable of making that choice. We all hold the key. We have to look within, face the ghosts that wander our minds, and learn to accept even the darkest corners of ourselves the places that seem impossible to even glance toward.
Because only then can we finally begin to move forward.”
“this is definitely a manga that will stick with you for time to come. this was completely devastating.”
“That was such a fitting ending. And as a trauma survivor it’s so true how nebulous memory is. With enough time even the monsters of your past lose their faces.”
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